Charlatan MD

Thank you for coming in today.  At the outset I am duty bound to make some disclosures, so that you can provide informed consent with respect to any examinations, opinions, or treatment offered. 

Although I am providing medical services, I do not have a formal medical education per say.  I also hold no licenses or board certification in the area of medicine.  What I lack in medical training and credentials, I make up for in the rigorous self-study, in the field of proctology. 

Though I have seen many patients, I must say that your form is outstanding.  I am, purely from an academic perspective, most intrigued to examine you further.  You can assist me by turning your back to me, now simply lean over, and take hold of that chair.  This is visual and physical part of my examination.  With your permission I am going to check the integrity of the larger muscle groups in this area.  As I’m sure you know everything is interconnected and I want to be holistic about my approach. 

Oh, no, not to worry, you need not remove your skirt I will simply move it aside as I need to.  I am noting for your chart that the major muscle groups to be firm, supple, and shapely, an excellent indicator of overall health.   Now we are at the part of the examination where I will need you to remove your skirt…